Life Without Light
by MeAndMyBigIdeas
Summary: Shingeki no Kyojin AU set in a world without sunlight and dominated by virtual reality. Rated M for future violence and the liberal sex lives of the world's inhabitants.
1. Day One

**_ Entry One._**

_'Hope in reality is the worst of all evils because it prolongs the torments of man.'_**_  
_**_-Friedrich Nietzsche._

_Hanji._

* * *

In this world, virtual reality has reigned supreme for almost_ twenty _ years. All other areas of entertainment have tapered out and now they're barely heard of – the market slowly declined and then one day, crash! Nothing. Nada. But nobody cared. Nobody wants TV or books anymore, they want to live in a world with light and hope. They wanted a world where they can be who they really wanted to be, unrestrained, free, really, truly, _alive_. They want to live their dreams and really? I want to do the same.

My name's Hanji Zoe and I'm a virtual reality addict. This is day one of my 'rehabilitation' - day one without VR! I have to keep this journal because the big boss told me to. The big boss being a certain Erwin Smith, holier-than-thou preacher of all things healthy and rich in protein. You should see his body, it's almost a joke; nobody has a body like that anymore. Toned, muscular... it' almost fascinating. Almost.

Anyway, Smith is the leading authority on how to get yourself off virtual reality. It's part of a government initiative called 'Rekindle'. They want to get the brightest minds to work on improving the real world because, well, the sun went out here a while ago. It's always dark, it's always _cold_ and there aren't even any seasons, it's just bleak. _Always_ bleak. The world is boring and dull and honestly, I'm scared of the dark. You see, there isn't enough energy to power non-essential lights anymore – which basically means non-governmental buildings (and ones that aren't aiding the economy) are usually just candle-lit. I guess Rekindle picked me out because in school, I got good grades, particularly in the sciences. I guess you could say I was kind of a geek – that's what other girls would say anyway. I read all the time back then because virtual reality was only just emerging and I'd almost never heard of it. Now that's crazy.


	2. Night One

_**Entry Two.**_

_Hanji._

* * *

Night one without virtual reality. I assume it's night anyway; that's what my little clock says but it could be slow or even stopped. It does that sometimes. Maybe the batteries are duff.

Erwin gave me some books to read but by candlelight that can be something of a chore. I'm sat here fingering them but I can't say I'm committed to the cause. It's difficult to want to fix what's not broken – if I could just reattach the VR pads I'd have sunlight again, in my head, if not on my skin. They even have electrical impulses to change your body temperature accordingly, so to me, light isn't such a big deal. Perhaps I'm missing something though...

What else is there to say? I'm tired but I can't sleep; I'm too frustrated and restless. Maybe I'll look at the books. There are a couple of picture books which won't be too much of a strain, I think they're designed to make me inclined to explore the world by day, to create a picture of how much easier and how much more beautiful life can be. I can't say I'm entirely convinced. I'm supposed to be meeting another member of the team tomorrow morning, his name is Levi. Honestly, I've heard the name before. I mean, who hasn't? His name is more of a symbol than a name, after all. Mostly because when the government first withdrew electric from the public domain and shut down the private companies offering the service, he was the head of the rebel group that tried to bring the power back to the people.

I'm more nervous than excited, really.


	3. General Assessment

**_General Assessment._**

_Erwin.  
_

* * *

We introduced Hanji to Levi and I ran another assessment; we had more time today, interviewed her from 10:22-11:43. She's unhygienic but sparky and smart. She's fairly tall but I can't imagine any strength behind her build. I'm almost certain she doesn't eat enough protein. I've met few people in my life with her lack of social ability. She spent most of our exchange trying to adjust herself to the bright lighting and continuously shielded herself from the overhead light. I saw her pulling on her sleeves but she couldn't stop talking about nonsense, half-nervous, half-excitable. Definitely non-threatening. The table between us was about half a metre by two and she continuously seemed to drape herself across it, putting herself close to us. Too close. She is unprofessional and not used to formal environments.

My colleague was unimpressed and spent the entire duration leaned back in his chair. He informed me afterwards (without prompting on my part) that he was trying to avoid the smell of her. She smells like sweat and dirt. She is different to most addicts, who are so content with their own company that they deliberately jeopardise their chance of working with Rekindle by offering only the lowest intellect they can. I'm not even sure she recognises that we're repeatedly testing her intellect in our discussions. When their natural end came, she continued and forced them onwards, apparently determined not to lose our attention. When she left she was still mumbling to herself. I think she is quite lonely. This will make her easy to mould and well-suited to team work, provided we can improve her social skills and personal hygiene. Loyalty is a necessity, I don't think it will be hard to breed that much in her.

_Levi._

* * *

She smells like shit, it's fucking grotesque. I wish Erwin would leave the rat in its hovel but he's '_absolutely positive_' on this which means my being there was useless because my opinion doesn't even count. My suffering was pointless. How _irritating_.

Apparently Specs (forgot her name) has a house and running water so I don't know what her excuse is. That dirty bitch kept leaning in near us too. If she hasn't showered by the next time she sees us, I'm stripping her down bare right there and I'll take her naked ass into the bathrooms, bend her over and wash her in the shitter. Even that would be a fucking improvement.

I guess if four-eyes got picked out, she must be good. Not that I could focus on what she was saying with the stench of her bird's nest hair. Fucking grease ball. I scrubbed my bathroom top to bottom when I got in, bleached the whole thing just for the smell. It was _good._ Sharp, citrus... really good. It's so satisfying to have everything so clean that you could piss on it and it'd still be as sterile as a doctors' scalpel.


	4. The Little Mouse

_**The Little Mouse.**_

_Hanji._

* * *

Day 3 or 4 or whatever. I lost track of the clock at some point and my sleeping patterns are out of sync. I used to follow the time on the bottom right hand corner of the VR simulations. The digits flashed in green at each hour, maybe made a cheerful little noise depending on the simulation and usually the sky would change. None of that now. I just feel sick and tired and a bit like a failure really. I don't understand most of the books that they gave me and I feel like this is all a mistake and a big waste of time. It's just stupid, you can't reignite a sun.

I've lost all motivation for this project already. I'm supposed to be seeing Levi and Erwin next week but I might just not show up, get back on my VR machine but then I suppose I'd be giving in and that's not really like me. It doesn't suit me as a person. I miss VR though. I say that so much, even when I'm talking to myself. Might as well be my mantra.

I'm presently trying to determine what it is that's stopping me from being engaged in Rekindle's little pet project. Considering my attachment to VR machines and the day/night cycles on those, you'd think I would be thrilled at the idea of having the real world being like that again. But I'm not, I'm just not interested. What's the point? I'd never go outside anyway. By the end of schooling I was already sick of people, sick of the eyes burning into my neck, the nasty comments whispered as they passed in the corridors and worst of all, sick of the people who blanked me altogether. The ones who acted as if I didn't exist. That doesn't make weak – everyone cares what other people think on some level and if they say they don't, they're a damn liar. Laughing at myself now because that sounds so defensive but I suppose it proves its own point. Stupid that I write this with the presence of others still mentally implied– a diary and I still write it defensively, as if someone might read! Hah. Ugh.

The picture books were good, I suppose, glossy pages and they were pretty to look at but nothing like the full environments I'm used to navigating. Nothing like them at all. Just flat.

Ventured outside a little earlier today. I think I saw a mouse scurrying around so I might try and catch it so I'll at least have some company. I'll do that now actually; go and buy some cheese or sunflower seeds or whatever it is that mice eat. Will update with results.

* * *

**_It's Just a Blip._**

_Hanji._

* * *

Let's see, what to say since I last updated? Well, okay, sunflower seeds are _ridiculously_ overpriced these days. It's half an average week's salary just for a bag and they're not even good quality. Of course, they're artificially manufactured since the GB (Great Blackout) killed most of the natural plants. Everything we have now is genetically modified or grown in massive greenhouses but the price for the latter is nothing short of extortionate.

Resultantlyyy, I got a very _small_ bag of sunflower seeds and I've spread them inside the trap I've laid out – just a basic box one to catch it running in. Hopefully there'll be something there in the tomorrow because I've had no luck so far. I'm almost beginning to think I imagined the whole thing!

Uh, what else to say? Ugh. Agggh. Might as well just admit it now. I relapsed. Big time. I spent four hours on VR today and it was _great._ I missed it so much and I just couldn't take this half-life anymore. Somehow though, it doesn't feel as great as I remember it feeling. Not as realistic, not as powerful, not as... addictive. I mean, I came off it of my own accord because I got _bored._ So even though I relapsed, maybe I'm making progress. I like to think I am anyway. I mean, there really is so much more I can do with my time when I'm not on that machine... But I've thought that before and still gone back to it. But we'll see. Maybe this time will be different. Maybe.

Meeting again with Levi and Erwin tomorrow. Guilty but_ ready. _They said they're testing a lot of things tomorrow. I don't mind. It sounds like fun! And I'll have my new pet to come home to!

* * *

**Author's Note:** Next chapter will be in a standard story format. I hope that anyone following this is enjoying the story so far and thank you so much for reading.


	5. The First Wrong Step

_**The Beginning**_

* * *

Hanji looked over the white, sterile building. Its metal structuring glinted faintly under the glare of the powerful exterior lights. All of its windows were tinted and barred and it was impossible to see anything of interest beyond the meshed fencing – just a mass of armoured vehicles parked outside and a set of doors with 'Entrance' marked in green above.

Her legs ached as she shifted her weight between them; it had taken over an hour to walk from the closest public transport service to here. She cast her dark eyes over the barren landscape around her and then looked back at the isolated building, barred off by barbed wire, fencing and a single gate with an intercom attached. Two armed guards stood on the other side. She walked a few paces down the side walk, sizing the building up and then glancing again at the scrap of paper they had given her with the address and a few digits on the end.

"Well... it looks like this is the place," She mumbled to herself, pushing up her glasses and then tucking the paper back into her breast pocket. "But why so well-protected? Why do they need all this?" She frowned and folded her arms over her chest before walking decisively up to the intercom and tapping in the key they had given her. It buzzed intermittently before connecting to Smith's office line.

"Hello, is this Miss Zoe?" Erwin's powerful voice flooded warmly out of the metallic device, welcoming and professional as ever.

"Hanji, please, call me Hanji."

"Alright, Hanji. Please come in, you're a few minutes late but that's to be expected on your first visit. Try to be more prompt next time, mm?"

"Yes, understood."

"Sir," A gentle reprimand and then a brief pause. She heard a low voice in the background but couldn't make out the words. "Uh, yes, yes, you're right..."

"Pardon, Sir, are you talking to me?"

"Er- no, Levi was just sending his greetings to you. _Erwin_, you ought to call me Erwin. Come in, you must be cold out there. At the second door, press the number seven – that'll put your request through to me and I'll let you through." A loud buzz emitted from the machine and the gates slid open as the connection cut off.

"Yes... yes, alright, seven," Hanji muttered affirmatively to herself and then walked forwards, one step at first, cautiously as she peered at the armed guards who seemed frozen in place. Erwin's old troops, no doubt; he was renowned for his disciplinary talents in the commanding forces. That was what had made him so apt for the job assigned to him under Rekindle.

Within just a few minutes of entering, Hanji was on the stairwell, obviously lost and trying to fathom the map that was printed up on the wall. Erwin and Levi observed her on the the monitors hooked up to the CCTV, both a little doubtful now and apprehensive about the journey to come. Erwin smoothed his hands over the arms of his chair while Levi lingered behind him, arms folded over his chest.

"What a clutz," Levi muttered scornfully, watching as she tripped up the stairs. Erwin looked away from her and rubbed his temples with a weary sigh.

"Miss Zoe has scored exceptionally on various cognition scales. Our previous discourse has shown that she's more than capable of intelligent and flexible thinking." He sounded as if he were assuring himself more than his colleague.

"And what about murder?" Erwin gave Levi a warning glance. Levi held his gaze for only a few moments and then looked back at the monitors.

"Mm? She's off the cameras."

Erwin spun in his chair and looked over the screens. "Where did she-?" The door clattered open without warning.

"Ah! There you are! Goooood afternoon, Erwin. Good afternoon, Levi." She waved brightly.

"Tsch..." Levi looked over to her while Erwin glanced at the door with a vaguely confused expression. "You really ought to knock in future..."

* * *

**Author's Note**: Yes, chapters are short but I'll try to press on like this now and update at least a couple of times a week - especially since I've finally finished drafting out the story plans beginning to end. Let's just see if I can't get a bit more done tomorrow. I'll probably rework these chapters soon and make all the journals into one. If you have any advice in that sense, please feel free to comment and let me know what you think is best, feedback is always appreciated. Thanks for reading!


	6. Dulce Et Decorum Est

**_Dulce et Decorum Est.  
_**

* * *

What ought to have been an exchange of customary small-talk had soon launched Hanji into a fervent monologue about the books she had been reading. Levi and Erwin sat back (carefully blocking the monitors with their bodies) and endured it, exchanging glances of exasperation over the various trivial details that she found so important. Then she moved onto talking about her plans to capture the little mouse. The clock ticked into the third minute of the exchange.

"And I really feel as if this might offer me some kind of distraction, to stop me wanting to-" Erwin raised his hand to silence her. She fell abruptly quiet and a brief flash of disappointment crossed her expression.

"On that note, Hanji, we need to have a word with you about something. Would you mind coming with us into the next room? This is hardly where we ought to be discussing matters." He threw off his jacket, throwing it over the screens. Levi glanced over his shoulder and then followed his bosses example. As he did so, Hanji just barely caught a glimpse on image on one of the screens. Meat?

"Are you watching an old cooking show or something?"

"Yes."

"Move it," Taking initiative, Levi placed his hand on the back of Hanji's head as she craned it to try and get another look at the screens. He then forcefully ushered her through a thick metal door in the centre of the wall, leading her into a small meeting room. There was an overhead projector, a board for presentations and a long pine table which Hanji promptly sat herself on the corner of. Erwin gestured to the chair.

"Why don't you take a sea-"

"Get off the table, fuckface, I don't wanna work on a space where you've had you arse." Unfazed, Hanji hopped off and sat herself down on on of the chairs instead. Erwin scolded Levi with a brief glance.

"Agh." Hanji looked at Levi as she made herself comfortable and crossed her legs. "You've got a lot of attitude. But I suppose it's to be expected of someone with your background, right?" Levi looked at her, his eyes flashing dangerously.

"My 'background' is none of your business."

"Now you're most likely aware that we intended to monitor your progress on coming off VR." Erwin cut in.

"Huh? Oh. Yes."

"Well I'd like to congratulate you on your progress so far but according to our records you connected to a server yesterday for the duration of four hours and thirteen minutes." Erwin watched as Hanji's fingers began to drum nervously against the table.

_Tap... tap... tap. _

"Is this correct?"

"...Yes." Levi sat down opposite Hanji and watched her. He could see the faint smears of sweat her fingers were now leaving on the table surface. "Am I being dismissed?" Her voice was strained with distress.

_Tap,tap, tap, tap, tap._

"No."

"Oh." She exhaled and half-laughed. "Well, good. I mean, I'm sorry. For connecting. I just wasn't thinking I-"

"However, there is going to be a punishment for this. You've demonstrated that you can't be trusted alone. You're ill-disciplined, Hanji." Erwin walked behind her and placed his hand on her shoulder. The blond gazed across at Levi, fully aware that the next words he spoke would come as a surprise to them both. Levi's brow furrowed as he looked suspiciously back at his superior.

"What is it?" Hanji looked over her shoulder at Erwin, though his eyes remained on Levi's.

"As a result of your misdemeanour, you will be living with and under the supervision of Levi for the next three months."

"What?"

"_What?_" Levi snarled and rose out of his chair. Erwin straightened up and walked around the room to stand in front of him.

"We've discussed Hanji's condition. You are the best placed to watch over her."

"Why can't she-" Levi broke off under Erwin's gaze. He knew full well why Hanji couldn't stay at Erwin's. He looked over Erwin's face and then submissively lowered his head. "Fine." He looked over to Hanji who had an oddly blank expression on her face.

"When do I have to go?"

"Tonight. Levi will be picking you up later. At ten,"

"...Right."

"You're don't seem enthused," He noted idly.

"No, it's fine," Hanji rose out of her chair, feeling odd as the only one sitting down. Erwin broke apart from Levi and walked over her, draping his arm around her shoulder.

"You're going to be a valuable member of the team, Hanji." She shrugged him off and took a quick step to stand in front of him. She set a certain boundary in that movement and Erwin respected it enough to step back from her but he could see from her expression that the promise of having somewhere she could flourish was unspeakably enticing. "You have a great mind, so let's not let it go to waste. I trust you not to falter again." His voice was low and friendly.

"Yes, Sir. I'll do my best."

* * *

Erwin pulled up outside his home, the headlights acting as the only illumination. There weren't even street lamps here; it was too far out of the way to warrant the cost. He switched off the engine and climbed out of the car, walking down the drive and stepping into the smooth, cool darkness of his home. With the door locked, he felt secure at last. When he had been recruited by Rekindle, they'd offered to connect him up to an exclusive electric grid and restore light to his home but he'd refused. It didn't seem fair for him to have energy if nobody else did. Besides, he could fare well enough with candles and weak batteries. Erwin walked around the house slowly, lighting his candles and trying to ignore the sound of raspy breaths that cracked and choked. Once all the downstairs candles were lit, he walked back into the living room with a tumbler of whisky and sat down by the coffee table, running his eyes over the small dark-skinned body bound to it. The boy was no more than twelve and his brown eyes were wide and staring. Erwin took a swig of whisky and then reached out fingering the wires running out of his chest, which was split open. His heart was exposed and beating.

"You're running at a good level." Erwin told him conversationally, looking at the device that the wires were connected up to. The boy mouthed as if to speak but there was nothing, just his desperate mouth gaping like a fish out of water. His heartbeat accelerated and the smell of warm copper filled Erwin's nostrils.

"Don't strain yourself trying; you have no vocal chords. They were removed under anaesthetic yesterday." Erwin watched as his mouth opened wide in the perfect imitation of a scream. Tears ran down his cheeks. "Be comforted," Erwin told him distantly, detached and blank. "You do us a great service."

* * *

**Author's Note**: Thank you very much to the 'Lurker' reviewer for the feedback! I have kept that noted and I'll keep up writing the journals every now and again then and try my best not to interrupt the story flow any further. Journals have now been condensed to take up less chapters. Feedback is massively appreciated as always, critique in particular - or just a general idea of how this chapter makes you feel! Thank you for all for reading so far.


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